Driveway moment

I visited my mom a couple of times today. She responds softly to her name and smiles at you then drifts back to sleep. We have discontinued the feeding tube today because her body was not absorbing it. I sat there this morning and just talked to her about the dogs, my week, and told her about a new book I am reading. She would occasionally open her eyes and smile. I left after a while and drove home in silence. Crying softly realizing that the end is very near.. I thought this letting go process would be easier because it is gradual. It is not.. Realizing that I won't be able to see her, have her listen to me ramble, and smile at me when I need reassurance it difficult.

I also realized that this had been a very disruptive few months. March, my career was halted.. April, my son was left behind.. May, I will most likely lose my mom.. God only gives you what you can handle right? I will be a stronger person right? There are answers around the corner right?

I went to church this morning and prayed for peace, more faith, and grace to get through this and support my family. I know I will endure and live through this with resiliency and fortitude.. I thank my mom for those qualities I have.. She has taught me to always has passion for what you want.. Do not let anyone tell you that you can't!

Mom.. This is for you...