Seamus

The next dog in my family is my big baby boy Seamus. He is a pup from Riley born in July and is will be 2 this July.. Seamus was the biggest pup in the bunch and I feel in love with him from the start. He was one of 2 pups that have block heads which makes him look meaner than he is.. Seamus is as a pup was playful, curious, and a chewer. I lost many shoes, another pair of glasses, and several remote controls. He was really easy to house train thanks to Riley.. Seamus is my follower.. When he is in he follows me everywhere I go.. and sleeps with me like a person and has his side of the bed.. Isn't Seamus a great name? I spent quite some time trying different names out but I wanted something Irish and it just fit! Seamus loves chewys, treats, and baths. He loves the water. I have taken him to the beach and he loved it.. He was a typical lab and played effortlessly in the water.. When he is with the pack he becomes lazy and does not like to retrieve whatever I throw.. A bit lazy.. But at a local dog park he loves to show off.. Seamus will eventually sire some pups with my 3 kid Dakota..
Here is a pic.

Riley

Over the next few blogs I am going to introduce the world to my dogs. Starting with the number one and top dog. Riley..

She was born in March and is 3 years old. The journey for Riley did not begin with the purpose of getting her. I went out with a group of school colleagues to look at a litter of lab pups out in Pleasanton, TX. One in the group wanted to get a chocolate lab for his wife. He just lost his female German Shepard and was looking for a mate for his male Shepard Duke. There were 4 pups in the litter, 2 males and 2 females.. The chocolate lab (Mona) was a female and Riley was the other female. She was so cute and shy I spent quite some time with her while the group was looking at the others. However, I almost did not get her. The wife wanted her instead of the chocolate but he, of course, got his way.. And I got my way.. I got her. She is registered as a yellow lab but is actually white, I looked it up and it is considered an American lab. She is so sweet and patient. Her pup years were filled with classes and a loss of some shoes and a pair of glasses but that's all. Riley soared in her classes and was/is eager to please.. When she was younger, lighter, and smaller I took her everywhere..Riley loves to retrieve but gets lazy if the ball goes to far.. She does NOT like water that much.. Go figure.. She does get in the pools outside but steps in and steps out..

I decided that I wanted her to have one litter before I spayed her. I bred her with a block head chocolate lab named Thor. Several months later in July, Riley had not one, or four, but 8 all chocolate pups. She was a caring, nurturing, and attentive mom.. Riley now is mothering to my third but and is has gain a few pounds. I have nicknamed her Jenny (Craig).. We are working on getting the extra pounds off..

When it came to find homes for her pups I would talk to her about the future owners. I found homes for all the pups but one. The largest, most curious, and noisy but whom I nicknamed Brutus.. I kept him and renamed him Seamus.. He will be my next blog entry..







Isn't she beautiful?

Still breathing..

Blurry vision

Walking dogs is truly therapeutic.. I walked all three of my dogs today at the same time.. It was rather fun and challenging and my dogs responded well and enjoyed themselves.. I love my dogs because they love me.. My little one keeps me on my toes.. She actually sleeps in a pool outside during the day.. It is so cute to see her in that pool blowing bubbles..

I am tired and have a bit of a headache, I am hoping some wine I picked up over the weekend will help.. My mom is resting peacefully and declining slowly and I think I am ok with this. Each day I let go a little more and it is easier. I have several clients tomorrow and more this week.. Hopefully keeping busy will help the time pass this week. I am mumbling along tonight through the ache of my body and the pain in my head..

Weekend Warrior

It was a nice weekend I had.. I spent Friday helping my sister clean her house, cleaning and organizing my roommate's bedroom, and of course I visited my mom.. She is doing ok.. I was there rather late that night.. She was fidgety because she had a bath and was moved around a lot. Now she is on oxygen... Saturday I went to Del Rio to visit my Mitch (pseudo name) who had a party that night.. It was nice and I did not get drunk I had a drink and water, drink and water, drink and water.. Felt good and I did not wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck.. Today, came home and spent some time with my kids.. Seamus some how has several new scratches on his back (wonder if he was upset because I left out of town?). I visited with my mom tonight for several hours. She was resting and seemed peaceful.. Family friend was there who is a friend of my moms for over 40 years.. We chatted about different things such as work, volunteerism, family, friends, and of course stories about my mom..

Let me tell you how absolutely marvelous it is to have this man who knows my mother in such a deep and different manner to share stories about her.. He has answered so many questions I had about my mom that I have kept deep inside.. He has provided a vivid picture of this woman who was so stern and evident.. As her daughter it was difficult to reach her.. As a child and teenager you often question your parents and tell yourself when I have kids I will not do... But if God graces me with kids I pray that I will be a stable and constant as my mom.. I now cherish the that I am so much like her and hope I can have such a successful life as she did. She has touched many people beyond my comprehension. Grown men have come into her room and weep for she has always been a source of strength for them. She has given them a path for success and they followed it.. It is amazing. What is also amazing is when I was talking with my uncle (the family friend), I told him I was not sure as to what my mom is holding onto. The staff are amazed at her constitution and admire her strength. He said, she still has something to do here.. She is not finished.. You know what happened? She shook her head yes.. I looked at her and asked him did you see that or I am seeing things? He saw it too.. This is driving me crazy.. I know that she would not want to be in the state she is in now but I am out of options.. I have said my goodbyes, told her how amazing she is and how much I respect and honor her.. I have told her that I will be okay and my life will be meaningful.. I do not know what else there is? I pray for some sign..

I called a tree hugger friend and talked about this.. We had previously gone into a discussion about friends and the role they play in our lives... I am just now learning the difference between friendships and have read that there are three different aspects to friends; reason, season, and lifetime. You have those people who come into your life for a reason. Often not knowing the reason but the visit is often short and the reason comes after.. In a season a friends comes in and you share different things with each other through a journey in your life. Once your or their journey is complete the season is over and the friends moves on. Finally there are lifetime friends.. These are the people who have been in your life or will be in your life forever.. Sometimes you go days, weeks, months, and years without talking but once you come back into it was as you never left. Qualities such as loyalty, dependability, peace, and reliability are present.. You often do not have many lifetime friends and sometimes think some one is when they are not.. But you do have a couple or many even a few.. Friends are an important part of our lives and from my experience once I understand their part, learn to listen to each other, have reasonable expectations, and grow with change life is good and moves easily.. I do not know if all that seems like me ramblings but through these hard months I have learned where my friends are and what type of friend I am..

Lost head but found some hope..

I woke up this morning not expecting much at all. I had a few phone calls to make, a house to clean, my dogs to feed, and my mom to visit. As of right now I made the calls, fed the dogs and visited with my mom, who after a night of restlessness seems to have settled back down to a relaxed and restful sleep. I chatted with her today about how things were going when I got a much needed self esteem boost. A job that I wanted but discounted was offered to me today and I accepted it.. This also allows me to stay in S.A.. which is what I wanted to do and I am still working with children.. I was so excited to share the news with my friends who have been supporting me and with my mom..She sighed, smile, and snorted.. I took that as an approval.. I told her everything is going to be fine here.. I am great and will be ok... Go find my dad.. I need to there with him instead of here with me.. I told me sis that she needed to let me mom go.. I think my mom is holding on for her baby.. I will pray for her to have the courage and strength to tell her bye.. I thought that I would be the one to take this harder or have a harder time letting go.. Maybe not.. I am my mother's daughter with my father's looks.. (thanks dad!)

Now the new adventures of Dakota.. Today, I went outside to play with my dogs to discover a statue that is my moms of St. Francis was knocked over and missing a very important part.. his head.. I looked over at Seamus and Riley who were sitting under the tree and pointing to Dakota who happened to have the missing head in her mouth.. She was playing with it, like it was a ball.. Nice huh? I told her that St. Francis is the saint for animals and has saved her a lot lately from her previous mishaps.. She looked at me like huh? are you talking to me? do I need to pay attention? because I have this new toy that is fun... So, now a headless St. Francis stands outside by my Pecan tree quietly without a head.. I love this dog... Okay.. I think I am done for tonight.. I need to clean but I am mesmerized by Tom Jones the singer.. Why? I ask myself.. Then I realized that the music you are forced to listen to as a child hypnotizes you as an adult... So here is one of my mom's favorite songs..



Here is dad's favorite..



Enjoy...

Bits of humor through a trying time

Another day and my mom is still hanging on.. She look much more at peace now than before but her breathing has changed.. My sis and I spent most of the day with her yesterday.. along with a string of family friends who came last evening to visit.. At one time she had 8 men in her room.. why can't i get those odds?

today is my nephew's 13th birthday.. he is a teenager now and very excited about it.. my sis and i are going to take him and some school friends to play miniature golf later today.. it is very nice to have his coming of age as a distraction...

lastly, before i shower because i have concluded that it is i that smell and not my dogs.. oh.. i forgot to mention what my little one (dakota.. the black 6mon lab) did on mon night.. i was drinkin some screwdrivers and decided to clean the fish tank.. she decided to inspect for herself what was going on in the fish tank so she stuck her face into the tank.. it was on of the funniest things i have seen her do.. i called her and she looked at me like what? am i not cute? no fish were harmed during her exploration...

i love my dogs.. and the many friends through this world that silently pray for me and my family.. my courage and strength are refilled with your thoughts and prayers..

Little angels

I kept myself busy for most part of the day with clients.. working with children with autism fills my heart up with substance. I visited my mom today.. no change from yesterday.. i read her a few poems from emily post whom she likes...my sis and i have begun to make arrangements for my mom when she passes. When a person is still here it seems easier to make those decisions about who, where, when, and how.. at least for me vs my dad's funeral.. now we wait and pray... we have been told it will be very soon.. i wish my dad were here right now to soothe my sorrow.. but i am thankful he is not.. he would not have been able to handle his beloved going first.. my mom was stern and disciplined while handling her grief.. i am trying to find the courage to be like her but i am not sure i have much left.. maybe some oreos or chip ahoy will help..

as i sit here watching tv and typing i cry gently on the keyboard wishing to have some more time.. wishing things were different.. wishing.. wishing.. wishing.. but i know some wishes are not granted.. my mom seems content.. she is not in any pain now and that is huge.. i am trying to remember what a happy and fullfilled life she had and still has now.. it is god's turn to enjoy here.. that reminds me what my niece said on sunday when we took her to visit my mom.. my sis was explaining to her than mo mo is going to heaven to be with jesus.. he needs her right now.. she looked at my sis and then at mo mo and asked why? sis explained again.. why? another jab at explaining.. then after a long pause and glance at me and mo mo she told my sis why doesn't he take me instead so you won't be sad? i had to leave.. sorry to my sis.. but i had to leave.. i do not know what my sis told her but she was smiling when i came back in.. it is amazing what children say and how they think.. i believe an angel was there with her when she said that...

Driveway moment

I visited my mom a couple of times today. She responds softly to her name and smiles at you then drifts back to sleep. We have discontinued the feeding tube today because her body was not absorbing it. I sat there this morning and just talked to her about the dogs, my week, and told her about a new book I am reading. She would occasionally open her eyes and smile. I left after a while and drove home in silence. Crying softly realizing that the end is very near.. I thought this letting go process would be easier because it is gradual. It is not.. Realizing that I won't be able to see her, have her listen to me ramble, and smile at me when I need reassurance it difficult.

I also realized that this had been a very disruptive few months. March, my career was halted.. April, my son was left behind.. May, I will most likely lose my mom.. God only gives you what you can handle right? I will be a stronger person right? There are answers around the corner right?

I went to church this morning and prayed for peace, more faith, and grace to get through this and support my family. I know I will endure and live through this with resiliency and fortitude.. I thank my mom for those qualities I have.. She has taught me to always has passion for what you want.. Do not let anyone tell you that you can't!

Mom.. This is for you...

Message from the TV

It is amazing how you can find strength and peace in the most unlikely place. Today has been a trying day for me. My mother whom I am more alike than I am ready to admit has begun to decline. She was a strong willed, brilliant, articulate, caring, crafty, loving, and tender.. now is a shell of that person I loved so and was so afraid of turning into.. It is hard to see and hear her now crying and pleading for some peace.. what are we supposed to do but try and provide some comfort for her and spend as much time with her as we can... At this moment I can't imagine not being able to see her or caress her delicate hands.. have her look at me with those ageless eyes and tell me with them that she loves me, she is proud of me, and she admires all i have done..

I came home today from work, cleaned the house, and quietly sat and prayed over the events today.. I prayed that I will find the strength to get through this closing chapter gracefully.. I prayed to God to please give me a sign she hears me.. Here is a song that was on tv..





Next video is my favorite song that captures my parents courting... I post it in their honor. I hope you enjoy..




Tomorrow is another day.. I will remember to breathe and find strength and peace in music, my dogs, and the simple things in life..

Three Dog Night

My third dog has been bit of a handful. She has chewed 3 water containers, 2 dryer vents, and 1 water pipe (to the point it broke and I had to call to get the water turned off and the pipe replaced) also the hose which is now is 4 pieces. Last night, thanks to the rain, the dogs had to stay in all night in which, she proceeded to take a complete medium pizza off the table and eat it (with some help from number two dog) and the ice cream container was torn apart in the living room. I woke up to 2 shredded boxes and 3 piles of poop the size of my face.. What am I going to do with #3? I often threat to send her to the person who gave her to me, but I think I would miss her too much.. I am going to pray she grows out of this. #2 dog did go through this but all he ended up chewing were 2 remote controls. #1 chewed my glasses and some shoes (but shoes don't count do they?)

On a different note my mom is going down a deteriorating path. She has several infections throughout her body and is not responding well to an aggressive set of antibiotics. She is in a lot of pain and cries often. I spent the day with her today trying to figure out where is the best place for her. She wants to be in hospice care but that does not come with home health care. She can go back into a nursing home, but that is not what she wants. I think she just wants to come home. I want her home to but she needs a type care that I physically can't do.. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully more options will become available.

Some positive news... things are looking up for employment. I had 2 interviews this week that went extremely well.. And my consulting gig is picking up... so some good some bad.. some highs some lows.. but all the while still breathing and praying and cleaning up after my kids (dogs)...

Circumstantial

I heard that word a lot today. It sounds intimidating and foreboding much like how I feel. But life does get better right? I often thought today about starting a new path only to discover that the baggage you thought you lost found you. Is it just circumstances or is there a higher power with a different plan I am not aware of? Maybe I should just stop hiding and increase my self-efficacy by believing that I am not a circumstantial person. I am a substantial person.

Just above the calf

All my life I have had to alter cars, counters, and clothes. I picked up a graduation robe today and was informed that I would once again have to alter it because it doesn't fit. My life has been filled with things that haven't fit; ex-husbands, annoying fish, and a society that is bigger than I am. But I have managed to fit in.. Its just sometimes I wish there wasn't a 'just above the calf'.