Final Countdown

This might be the last couple of days I spend here in Kathmandu. I return to the embassy today to get information regarding my adoption. I fear I already know the answer and have actually been preparing myself for it. I have talked to a good Texan friend who happens to be an immigration attorney, a fellow LP who has adopted several children from out of the country and dealt with our embassy and both confer that the embassy has the final say in granting his visa to return with me. If there is any doubt the visa will not be granted. So, I am going to have to wait and leave him here again. My biggest fear or hurdle is not the emotional issue of leaving again. (I actually want to leave now with or without him), is the orphanage director whom I have to ask to keep him because in Nepal's eyes he is mine. A tree hugger friend gave me some advice to keep my heart open to God's grace which I have and will continue to. I have spent some quality time with him and learned a great deal about myself as a future mom. My life is so fragile now I am not sure this was even the right decision to come but my heart pulled me here. I am now looking for more strength from my heart to get through this. I am still breathing and not eating meat. I have some serious stomach issues, my skin is turning yellow and is breaking out. I long for the US, my dogs, my sister, and my friends. But more so, I long for peace and stability in my life. Where's the coffee?