What I learned

I learned to smile to a stranger makes them smile back. Kindness knows no bounderies.
Hot coffee dances in the early morning. An investment in human relations is worth it. To listen even though I don't fully understand the language. Dinner alone is nice but more interesting with new friend. Longing and familiarity brings contemplation and growth. To sit next to a senior couple during breakfast rather than college students from the states. To try new foods when my brain and stomach are not in agreement. The acquaintances I met @ the beginning of my trip are now friends and allies. Past experiences should be valued and cherished. Love knows no boundaries. A kind word or gesture can fill any and every bucket. That I am afraid of what is to come. That doubt can bring wonder and want. German people meet my expectations and Austrailians are hilarious. I like the crunchy bread things in the bar. To love bread and eggs I'm the mornings. And I hate eggs!!!! There are no CATS in Kathmandu!!!! A liter of beer is a lot! That no matter where I go someone will know my family!! To appreciate what I have and love in America. No matter how long I watch cricket I still do not understand the sport. Senior citizens everywhere hike up their pants to their chins. Indian people have horrible table manners and use no silverware. I am my father's daughter and everyone will love me... I love chocolate everywhere and anywhere in the world!!!!! Long flights are not pleasant no matter how much room you have!!! Tipping well upon arrival is key to a great stay!! Food is better the first time... Rooms are cheaper when you shop around.. Cold beer is good anywhere.. Question everything you eat and remember buff is not beef and there is no FDA.. Open your heart to grace and your life will be whole..


This is what I have learned. I hope it helps..

Final Countdown

This might be the last couple of days I spend here in Kathmandu. I return to the embassy today to get information regarding my adoption. I fear I already know the answer and have actually been preparing myself for it. I have talked to a good Texan friend who happens to be an immigration attorney, a fellow LP who has adopted several children from out of the country and dealt with our embassy and both confer that the embassy has the final say in granting his visa to return with me. If there is any doubt the visa will not be granted. So, I am going to have to wait and leave him here again. My biggest fear or hurdle is not the emotional issue of leaving again. (I actually want to leave now with or without him), is the orphanage director whom I have to ask to keep him because in Nepal's eyes he is mine. A tree hugger friend gave me some advice to keep my heart open to God's grace which I have and will continue to. I have spent some quality time with him and learned a great deal about myself as a future mom. My life is so fragile now I am not sure this was even the right decision to come but my heart pulled me here. I am now looking for more strength from my heart to get through this. I am still breathing and not eating meat. I have some serious stomach issues, my skin is turning yellow and is breaking out. I long for the US, my dogs, my sister, and my friends. But more so, I long for peace and stability in my life. Where's the coffee?

When in Rome

Have you ever heard that saying? When in Rome do as the Romans do? Well, I am here to offer some advice to that saying in reference to Nepal. When in Nepal besure to ask the meaning of a word on a menu. For example, Buff does NOT mean beef like I thought it did. It means water buffalo. Ok, that's not so bad and when in Roman try it right? Wrong! Especially, if you happen to visit the city zoo and see these water buffalo.. Not pretty my friends. Next, do not eat any meat here. As I traveled throughout the city I noticed that there is no FDA or any other means of safe processing of meat. Animals are slaughtered in the streets and put on tables for your purchase. Goats, dogs, chickens, boars, maybe even water buffalo. So, from that point on I decided to be a vegetarian for this trip. But, then you wonder if you eat eggs those come from chickens. Did the chicken I saw in the streets eating something red and yucky produce those eggs? HMM.. And the vegetables.. the water here is yellow.. yes, yellow.. I start a quick shower in yellow water.. so how about them vegetables? It is a never ending process of wondering where did this come from and will I end up with from digestive issue? So when I Nepal be careful..

On a different note, I find myself detaching from Sawyer daily.. I fear that I am going to have to leave him again.. We spent yesterday at the zoo and some sight seeing.. Today, he has a doctor's appt. for medical clearance and I think some more sight seeing. Tomorrow is the day when I go to the embassy to plea my case. I have many people praying to many gods hopefully one will here our prayers.

It is time for some breakfast and I am preparing my stomach to the journey.. Take Care my friends.

Wanting an Ah Ha

Another morning here in Kathmandu. Last night I spent it alone after I informed Sabitri of the news from the embassy. She was quite upset and Sawyer wanted to stay with his friends. What was I supposed to do. Actually, I was quite relieved. I wanted so alone time to reflect on what has thus far transpired. In the hotel there is a mediation garden which is very peaceful and calming. I sat out there, drank tea, and contemplated my future. After much soul searching I come to realize that this somehow is a lesson I need to learn about myself. Maybe I am not ready to be his mom. I find myself wishing he was back in the orphanage and I do not know why. I might bring him home to a uncertain future like he has one here. I learned I can not apply for any type of govt aide for him. It is a stipulation in the adoption agreement from the govt. I do not have any insurance or a job that can offer financial stability. I know that I will find a job and my finances will fall back into place BUT. I wondered in that garden why I decided to adopt in the first place and why I decided after so long to come back. I am not sure what is going to happen now. I do know I leave on Tuesday and look forward to returning home, I wish I was there now. I do not regret coming because I know there is some lesson I need to learn through this experience hopefully my mind and soul will be clear enough to receive it.

quiet moments

As I sit here at 7:30am in Nepal I am trying to make sense of what has conspired through my journey here. The adoption process seems to be a trial of will and faith. I receive good news, bad news, frustrating news, compassionate news, then heart breaking news. Now it seems that I might have to leave Sawyer here again but this time I will not be coming back. Due to an orphanage directors over enthusiasm issues have come to light as to the application process and completion with our US govt. I do not want to in any ways misconceive our govt and will follow there advice. As of right now I am not sure. What I am sure of is that this beautiful boy in a tie-dye shirt and jogging pants looks absolutely perfect and I wonder what God has in store. I wonder why would he send me here again only to be hurt? What am I supposed to learn? Will there be any signs? And can I live on rice here?

I do know that I am loved and supported and with that I will get through this.

New Title

Namaste,

Today, I was given a new title. That of mom. I completed 90% of the paperwork on the Nepal side for Sawyer today after much haggling with Sabiriti here. She took what I had planned to give her and pressed on. We spent most of the day in and out of the car, smiling, and signing my name. Tomorrow he gets a TB test, picture for visa, and our first visit to the US embassy. We are trying to finish this week because next week there is elections here for a new congress and constitution which means every govt. agency will be closed tues-friday.. ugh..

he is lying on the carpet playing with a car.. i think he understands but is seems tentative.. he mimics my words for things such as thank you, candy, please, help.. etc.. oh.. he first lesson today was use a toilet not the floor to pee.. very fun..
well, we are off to find snacks for the night.. i will post later.. thanks!

Twelve missteps of a roaming gnome

Namaste friends,

I actually made back to Kathmandu again in one piece and I did not lose anything. When I arrived it seemed the immigration/customs remembered who I was because I was whisked away without waiting in any lines. Nice.. Not like before.. It seems I am a strange being from some distant planet and the locals here are not sure if i am a nice/good gnome or an bad spirited one. I will let them judge from a distance. The city hasn't changed much. Lots of children in the streets, pollution worse than LA and Houston, driving on the opposite side of the road, no stop lights, (i prayed the hardest during my drive from the airport to the hotel) than i prayed during this journey thus far. I began my trek here @ 6am in San Antonio (step one), long lines @ 5am and San Antonians do not find me interesting so i had to wait in line. (don't they know i have powers?), flew to LA with a 7 hours layover (step 2) had to pick up luggage and walk 1.8 miles to the international terminal outside; the weather was nice and it felt good to walk.. waited, waited, waited until the ticket counter open.. begged very nice Japanese agent for aisle seat with no one next to me.. (step three) i even smiled which must have worked i have a entire row of seats to stretch out on which for a gnome is great.. so LA to Tokyo.. (step four) this is where you must pay attention to your itinerary and check the number of stops. i had one.. and apparently it was Japan.. the flight was 10 hours which was ok. i watched 3 movies.. took aspirin (thanks Nate) and a sleeping pill.. all was good except the food which i couldn't understand to choose and was glad i said the beef the other option chicken was in a green sauce... hmm? disembarked in tokyo.. japanese people make me feel tall (step five) bowing is easy when you are short and much appreciated.. i smiled and bowed.. i wonder if i go to japan will i be famous? reloaded the same plane in tokyo.. this time i had one person @ the end of the aisle for another 7 hours journey to singapore.. nice austrailian man who was on some life journey finding his soul which he thinks is in Bali.. we chatted.. watched 2 more movies.. i think I am caught up now (step six).. another aspirin and sleeping pill.. very bumpy flight.. i kept thinking to myself.. shaken not stirred please.. i almost had to use all three seat belts and strap myself to the seats from foot to bust.. arrived in singapore(step seven) hooray!! i was tired and began to smell but at that time i wasn't sure if it was me or the chinese tourist.. i love the singapore airport.. has everything.. even a playscape, showers, movie theatre, beds, 3 meditating gardens, lots of shops, and very friendly people or they were to me.. (i wonder if i do have special powers outside the us?) or was it the beef? i chatted with my sister and marci.. i needed to hear someone i loved.. showered, slept, read some and chatted with an irish couple.. love them.. very funny.. reminded me of frank mccourt and rita rutner.. (step eight) maneuvered around the airport with ease.. didn't sleep much thanks to the airport police and their aka 47s waking me up to check my passport and boarding pass.. (i guess my powers were running low).. here is a funny story.. i was waiting for a transit tram to take me to terminal 2 where my plane was departing to kathmandu when an arriving tram arrived and out came at least 50 chinese tourists from beijing.. i was texting or reading and i heard shutter sounds.. i looked up and it was a sea of people taking my picture.. had i been more alive.. i would have taken their picture.. but i smiled and bowed.. (step nine) be gracious while traveling you will appreciate the kindness that follows.. found my airlines and another little person from bombay in the terminal.. and yes, i did go up to him and say hi.. because no.. i did not know him... his english was broken but he was visiting.. boarded the flight to kathmandu (this time i did not get an extra seat) instead the flight was booked! (step ten) remember headphones.. i was in the middle of 2 screaming kids and a group of nepalese students who played their not so nice music so loud that when i visited the bathroom in business class i could hear it.. (step eleven) find a happy place and let karma happen.. i finished my book... and the batteries apparently ran out so the music stopped... no movie but i did rest until the turbulence hit and it was bad.. worse than a hawaii trip i look with the kwans.. finally arrived in kathmandu.. found luggage, whisked through immigration, greeted by my friend (driver) and the orphanage director.. checked into hotel.. which is much smaller but much cheaper...(step twelve) tip well at first and you will be appreciated.. i took a shower and then decided to come down to use the internet and there was a fruit basket by my door.. thanks nice reception dude... well, i go to the ministry tomorrow and sabritri the director has already begun hitting me up for money.. and lots of it.. so, i will email lisa from the agency in the us.. and be very firm with sabriti.. we will see.. the adoption has already been approved.. i am here to complete the paperwork.. but like i told my sister when i called her which was @ 2am.. i don't have the money so i can complete the adoption and bring him home or just go home.. i don't have $8700 for some crazy fees.. Lisa did warn me and told me to be firm.. so that will be my approach.. i will be channeling my mom..

well, it is 2:30pm here on the 1st and i am going to get something to eat and may walk to the hotel i stayed at last night which is very close.. i want to stay up so i can sleep tonight.. this room has a/c which the previous radisson room did not..tomorrow is a 2-3 trip to the kathmandu ministry and then bring him back here and begin the bonding process.. or if i can't convince sabriti come home.. i don't know what else to do but try and bluff her.. thanks for reading this rather long journal.. i am still breathing but using a mask..