Gay

What an adjective? eeh? There are so many variations on the definition of gay that one is not often sure as to the meaning without the context. But, even then inferring occurs and the meaning get muddled somewhere between the purpose and the assumption.

I have been thinking a lot of this word today, trying to find my own definition that has value to me. I am gay (with happiness) today for many reasons: my students, my partner, my friends, my box, and my blog. I am filled with peace as I drove to and from work today watching both the sunrise and sunset with their many gay hunes and colors. Alas, there is one last definition that I am still trying to define within myself. But, for now I am gay for a couple of other reasons today.

Joy

Following day 1 theme on happiness, I had a good evening last night with my dogs who bring me immense joy and peace. Last night my little one who is so full of energy and curiosity she grunts. We shared some vanilla ice cream and chips (I know friends that not healthy but its the holiday right)!. So, last night as I was trying to get some sleep with Seamus next to me and Dakota at my feet I thought to myself how blessed I am to have people and dogs who love me and whom I love. That is was makes me happy today, the love of my family, friends, and pets.

Also, I received another great secret santa gift today..And my students are wonderful sponges today with lots of good questions about learning.

Breathing calmly...

Happyness

I read my friend Marci's blog which asked to post about something that made me happy today.. So, here goes, (I have several today and it is before noon) whoo-hoo...

1. Didn't have to drive an hour and half to come to work, only an hour from Del Rio and made it to work on time.

2. This week is secret santa week and I received 2 breakfast tacos.. yum..

3. My students made me laugh with their silly and curious observations about life and their peers.

4. My sister called to say HI..

That's all for now.. Not bad eeh?

Breathing..

New beginnings

Over the past couple of months I have had a life changing experience that I haven't fully digested yet. I went to an election party @ Frank's house in Del Rio where I met several of his colleagues from work. One in particular caught my attention. As with many of Frank's colleagues I do not have that much in common with except Frank, but with this one it was different. I felt different, my mind began racing with memories of butterflies, anxiety, and excitement. I have had some time to think about it and chat with my friends but it just seems odd.. (not the best word but it will work).. I look forward to many things now, a new year, spending time with my friends, and most of all a clear understanding of my soul: what it is that i want from life and hopefully some ideas on how to obtain it..


Breathing..

Cycles

I started this post about a month ago but never finished it. I think I was going to post about the cycles of friends/friendship but after that I am not sure. Therefore, I will chat about what has been going on since Nov. I am in the last stages of alleviating a huge burden I have been carrying around since June. Hopefully, it was be lifted by the end of this year. Much of everything I have been stressing over is coming to an end and I really can start the new year with a fresh start.

School has been good although the commute is horrible... I can think of many more adjectives to describe it but I will keep this post PG. I often ask myself in the morning if this drive is worth it? Then I get here and work with my kids and partner and realize it is.. But, on my way home (often very late), I wonder again.. I have 10 more days and I will have 2 weeks off.. Hooray! On another school front, I completed my internship class @ UTSA and I will finally get my masters' diploma.. It seems my worry cycles are ending..

Lastly, I wanted to post about friends. I have a good friend whom I have known for over 20 years. He is funny, brilliant, cynical, fluffy, loyal, and giving. We often go through months of simple chatter on the phone just to check if each other is still alive. However, now that I work closer to him I find myself staying and spending more time with him. I compare him to your favorite pair of jeans that either hides in your closet or drawers and is re-discovered during cleaning or a crisis of need. These jeans make you feel good, comfort your body and soul, smell familiar, and bring back to you peace and hope. Frank has been my pair of jeans lately and I am glad I have him..


Still breathing....

Simple Pleasures

This weekend I spent it with my family shopping in Castroville (a city wide garage sale), didn't buy much but had a blast. My family is growing and changing so much. My nephew is taller than I am and is beginning to explore himself and the opposite sex.. YIKES! I am glad I am not his mom.. I enjoy being the aunt who he can ask anything, hang out, and I can teach him to drive. Don't really have to deal with the hormones. Then there is my niece who is such a little person all of her own, with her own opinions, ideas, choices, vocabulary, and cute little ways she gets me to buy her things that she really doesn't need.. UGH!!
Sunday I woke up my lazy Hawaiian and we went to work; he is tall and I am not so he needs to earn his keep and reach! I also took my 3 dogs. They roamed my campus, made friends with Sid (my partner teacher), his fiancee, a coach, and several students. I then had a brilliant idea and wanted to take them to either the Medina or Frio river to frolick around. I ended up at Garner state park (where I get in free thanks to disabled plates) whoo-hoo... From the minute they bolted out of the box, down to the river bank I couldn't get my 2 dark ones out of the water. Riley took her own time getting in but she did. The water was perfect; temp. depth, and clarity.. I brought a ball and watched my little one attack the water by running full force into the water and just jumping in without any reservations. They were simply enjoying the water and each other. I was enjoying them and Squishy running away from the "clicking bugs", so he says. I didn't see or hear anything. But, Seamus did meet his first deer family. It was a little intense I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I thought he would chase them or they would run in fear and he would follow.. But they stared at each other, he growled, Riley barked, and then out of the water like a rising bullet Dakota bolted out and ran towards the deer. All I saw was this black blur with the sound of dogs tags ringing in the air. Luckily, she had to go up an embankment and the deer were quicker than she. Dakota retreated back to the water after she and the other two sniffed deer poop. YUCK!
As my kids were roaming the river bank I chatted with squishy to help keep him focused on me and the dogs. We talked about the dogs breeding and how different they are. Riley and Seamus are from "back-yard breeders" (me included). While Dakota comes from a proven, well-known, and winning breed line. Her behavior in and out of the water shows it. She is so intense in the water, retrieving, stalking damn deer, listening to her screaming and panicky momma. Riley and Seamus are pure-bred labs but have more of a laid back character. Seamus played in the water and roamed the river like a child on an adventure while Riley followed along taking her time, ignoring her pack calls and being a loner (in a good way or maybe it is because she is older). Anyhow, I had a blast. It was amazing. I promised myself and my kids that I would take them more often, maybe even overnite camping with my family.

Now, my dogs are passed out but look completely happy and at peace. It seems the small country road I took today brought me home, closer to nature, and in a strange way to my parents. I have been missing them a lot lately, today I felt and smelled them at the river..



I actually heard this song on the way home.. I knew my dad had something to do with that! Dad, I am not in West Virigina but I get it.. Thanks and I love you!



Here we are at the rivers edge. Yes, I did end up in the water thanks to Seamus and Dakota and my mom. Thanks mom for reminding me to cool off and have fun.. I love you too and miss you.

Letting go

It has been a while since my last post and I am disappointed about that. I have been busy with work and the many new responsibilities I have there. Thus far, I have learned by letting go of the things I used to hold so proudly such as my stubbornness, my anxieties, my family's lack of patience, and my cynical views of the world I am a much happier, peaceful, and brighter person. I have had a rough year so far and it doesn't look like it is going to get any better anytime soon with the economy where is it at now. Having faith in a greater good and that all will eventually will work out, I can get through each day a little at a time. I am thankful that I have a wonderful bunch of students who bring joy, laughter, curiosity, some frustration (can't all be good :), and amazement to my daily life. I have a partner teacher who basically saves me ass each day as I arrive to work @ 8ish because I delayed getting up for the hour drive to work.. The faculty and staff have been so supportive, gracious, humorous, and inviting; for the first time in my career I feel I belong here for the right reasons, I feel I could stay here for a long time affecting change. (But why does it have to be here? which is so far.) I ask that question often as I am driving to work in the morning watching the life around me rise to the new day. Although, life for me now is fragile and uncertain. I am optimistic about the future. I pray for grace, forgiveness, and peace of mind. Lastly, I hope to some day soon rid myself of these fears. It is a monkey that I have been carrying around for a while and it is a burden that I am growing weary of. Maybe I will find a rainbow soon..