Pretty Amazing

Today is national prayer day and I silently prayed small prayers of thanks through out the day for my family, friends, dogs, shelter, food, peace, and grace.

Tonight, I came home from class a bit uplifted with positive possibilities in the future for me and watched some TV. I heard a new song from Neil Diamond (yes, I love Neil. I admit it). These lyrics spoke to me deeply and expressed my feelings towards sister and my friends. Neil has a new album coming out next week and this is one of his new songs. I hope it touches whomever listens to it or reads this blog.

Pretty Amazing Grace
by Neil Diamond

Pretty Amazing Grace is what you show me
Pretty Amazing Grace is who you are
I was an empty vessel, you filled me up inside
and with an amazing grace restored my pride.
Pretty Amazing Grace is how you saved me and
with amazing grace reclaimed my heart.
Love in the midst of chaos, calm in the heat of war
Shown with amazing grace what love is for
You forgave my insensitivity and my attempt to mislead you
You stood beside a wretch like me
Pretty Amazing Grace was all I needed
Stumbled inside the doorway of your chapel
Humbled and odd by everything I found
Beauty and love surround me freed me from what I feared
I asked for Amazing Grace and you appeared
Pretty Amazing
Pretty Amazing
Pretty Amazing
You overcame my loss of hope and faith
Gave me a truth I could believe in
You led me to a higher place
Showed that love, truth, hope and grace were all I needed
Pretty Amazing
Pretty Amazing

Breathing peacefully.

New Mantra

Another day another dust bunny cleaned.. I completed and submitted my application for yet another job but this one is not in education.. Maybe a new hill to try? I did some spring cleaning today in my room. I am determined to assemble a dresser I brought from IKEA about 4 months ago this week. My ideal is to minimize the amount of furniture in my room, like my life.. Simplify.. Breathe.. Live.. Laugh.. and Love..

still here

small victory..

Great deals today at Target. I went in for dog food and a container for rice and walked out with 80 pds of dog food for $23, no rice container :(, several bags of dogs treats on clearance (chicken wrapped around a banana) i am almost tempted to try one, lots of cans goods, cereal, applesauce, ziploc bags, and a dutch oven all on clearance. It feels good to walk out of a store with more items bought than the amount you spent. 1 point for the at home gnome.. I needed a victory and a pick me up...

still breathing..

Bitter pill

Have you ever been given bad news and had to shallow it like a bitter pill? I heard back from academic advisor, she informed me I am going to have to wait until dec. to graduation "if all goes well.." So, i registered for a grad class that looks rather interesting and not to difficult. I applied for financial aid again for the fall and asked my advisor a few more questions. I swallowed the pill.. I am now waiting to hear from another prof. to find out what grade I will be making in her class.. (small pill, tastes like squash).. I would like to think that will be all the pills i will have to swallow but i am not going to hope for that.. one step at a time right?!?!!

breathing

shopping for jesus

Can Jesus's blood make the vilest sinner clean? i wonder.. or what about my blood? if it is shed will I be cleansed?

just when i thought life is good and i was at peace with life.. i get thrown back into worry, anxiety, frustration, anger, pain, disappoint in myself and doubt.. i have yet another obstacle to overcome this week which might effect my graduation for my masters'.. i cried hard (which is something i do not do easily), but i am scared and no one is here but my dogs whom i love.. i know i have many friends who listen, support, and love me.. but i am still alone here.. maybe i should leave my chosen field and start something else? social work? forest ranger? dog groomer? i just don't know.. i spoke with another teacher today and she prayed with me over the phone that jesus will take care of me, keep me safe, and let the truth set me free.. i am scared of the truth.. it will hurt and damage many lives... am i kidding myself? will i ever teach again? i need to teach it is my calling and feeds my soul... just when i begin to feel happiness it seems i am reminded that i do not deserve it.. where can i get a vile of God's blood? will that help? i am supposed to be reviewing for a makeup quiz i have but i can't stop my mind from racing with consequences and possible solutions..

i am going to find a good merlot and have a priest bless it for me.. do you think that counts as jesus's blood? does anyone know where i can pick up some grace? i am all out..

Quick step

I am finally at peace with everything that has happened in my life over the past month. I have path that is a means to an end. My house is finally clean, the way I clean it.. My dogs are happy and playful again since my return. And I have an idea of where I am going. Life is good..

Unanswered prayers

It is funny when you pray to God for whatever is ailing or your needs/wants and you don't seem to get the answer you expect. Garth Brooks has a song titled, "Unanswered Prayers". I listened to it today on my way back from my "first" training session with my new position as a parent trainer/ABA instructor. I spent 4 hours sitting on the floor in a therapy room listening to the owner of this corporation talk about parent training, aba training, and where her organization is going. I listened to her philosophy and expectations of her employees and cringed. Everything I have ever learned as an educator is on the opposite side of her beliefs. She is not interested in research, data, or trials. As an educator research determines what strategy or curriculum we use/try. Data drives instruction. I even own a shirt with that saying. Trials prove strategies and provide data for further instruction. Sounds rote doesn't it? I think she realized just what she got when she hired me. I have extensive knowledge in school districts/ARDs, I am BCBA certified (which I haven't told her), CPI certified, (I can restrain a child), and I have a decent reputation in the special education section in SA. As the time ticked on and my ass was getting numb I prayed silently asking if this is really for me.. (I don't have any other options now).. As I left the building Terri (boss lady) came up to me and thanked me for hanging in. She understands how this may seem out of my comfort zone and familiarity but it is worth it. Her clients are mainly Autistic children who need committed people such as myself. God's unanswered prayer. AND it pays extremely well.. So, I have a schedule of 30 hours over the next 2 weeks to shadow people. If this is God's intentions for me so be it. I just hope he answers my prayer and I will get a teaching contract for next year.